Why aren't you a Trump supporter?

If someone works for me, I actually pay them

I can count

I don’t believe that Saudi Arabia and Russia “will vedoop bedeep uhhhh”

Are there any Hollywood celebrities who never divorced? Why does it seem like celebrities are likely to get divorced frequently?

I don’t respect a sleazeball who lies about his height just so he can lie about his weight

Those are a few reasons off the top of my head. How ’bout you?

I don’t call Tim Cook “Tim Apple” and if I do I don’t deny what’s right there on the videotape because I’m too much of a fucking WIMP to handle Reality

I read this: "Putin is a brilliant, courageous, ingenious, determined, beloved, and incredible modern leader. He is currently the world’s most effective and strong leader, the best the world has seen in centuries." What do you think about this?

I don’t buy bullshit

I know the difference between “give me your tired, your poor” and “they’re poisoning our blood”

I know the difference between “George Bush” and “Jeb Bush”

What is the STAR interview method?

Fuck that piece of orange shit, fuck his idiocracy, fuck his sexism, fuck his racism, fuck his religionism, fuck his divisionism, fuck his lying, fuck his orange face paint, fuck his worship of Cult of Ignorance, fuck his Cult, fuck his jingoistic horseshit, fuck his manuipulations, fuck his toddler-age WIMPism, fuck his fucked-up values of ME ME ME and did I mention ME, and fuck him personally with a giant razor sharp dildo that’s been preheated to 204.7° F and built to the dimensions of the Washington Monument. Slowly.

I don’t pretend not to know who David Dooky is just because he can deliver votes

When a reporter declines to join me in the rooftops fantasy I don’t go on stage and gyrate to mock his congenital disability

Do interviewers discriminate against a candidate if he or she is overweight (assuming physical fitness is NOT part of the job requirements)?

I have complete contempt for fraudsters, and even less for repeat ones

I have a reading level above third grade

It’s uncool to set up soft porn pics with your own preteen daughter

Do you think there will ever be a movie that features a line such as “You graduated at the top of your class in liberal arts, we need your help”?

I understand that you can’t just fucking nuke a hurricane

I didn’t get out of military service with fucking “bone spurs” that I paid a doctor to write

I don’t buy made-up stories of “thousands and thousands of people dancing on rooftops”

When was you wife swapping fantasy started?

authoritarians can get down on the floor and bite my ass, yesterday

I can read

I respect women and don’t respect those who don’t

How old is planet Earth? Is it 4.5 billion years old or 6,000 years old?

I understand that when you lose an election you step the fuck aside and take it like a man rather than invade the Capitol while your loss is being made official just because you’re a fucking snowflake WIMP

EVEN FUCKING MIKE PENCE understands that

I have complete contempt for fakery

So I’m getting piano lessons and my teacher wants me to get an upright piano instead of a keyboard. An upright piano is way above my price range, so what do I do? And what’s the difference between an upright piano and a keyboard?

I respect other cultures and don’t respect those who don’t

I don’t believe the way to respond to a hurricane is to call a press conference to describe it as “wet from the standpoint of water”, to distribute Play Doh, or to stand at a podium throwing rolls of paper towels as if they were bottles of ketchup

I know that if I or anyone I know commits a crime we’ll go to the clink

Family scapegoats with years of healing: what events or thoughts precipitated your full acceptance of your family's narcissistic dynamic? Can you share your inner thoughts as you reached it? How do we know when we have reached full acceptance?

I understand how hurricane paths work

I don’t hold serial bankrupters in high regard

I understand geography enough to know that Belgium is not a “beautiful city”, that Paris is not in fucking Germany, that India does share a border with China, that that border is peppered with Bhutan and Nepal, not “Button” and “Nipple”, that time zones exist, that “shithole countries” do not, that “England” and “the UK” are not the same thing, that you cannot build a wall in Colorado to keep out New Mexico, and that the Bronx is not and has never been “a very wonderful place in fucking Germany”

Why do men first look at a woman's chest instead of their face?

Let us count the ways. Captain Obvious says:

I don’t believe there is a fucking “president of the Virgin Islands”

I don’t believe in asking the people of Iowa “how stupid are the people of Iowa”

A real man doesn’t grab women by the p***y

It’s uncool to lurk around teenage girls’ dressing rooms

I don’t run and hide from a debate like a fucking WIMP just becuase some moderator asked pointed questions

I don’t believe Nazis, Klan klowns and white supremacists chanting “Jews will not replace us” comprise “very fine people”

I actually pay taxes

I have complete contempt for traitorism

I see through liars

I have complete contempt for intentional stupidity

I know what Nikki Haley’s authority with the National Guard is

I know there’s no such thing as invisible planes

I understand that you can’t inject bleach or light

I know that he didn’t run against “Obamna”

I have no sicko desire to control women or have a bizarro hangup with “blood”

I don’t respect shameless hucksters who try to sell a vitamin where you have to mail in your pee

I’ve never tried to pretend the word would means wouldn’t

I don’t hide in my hotel room while everybody else keeps the appointed time and place because my hair might get wet

I understand historical events enough to know there were no airports in the eighteenth century, that Canada didn’t burn the White House half a century before it existed and that World War Two already happened

When I go Greenland shopping and Denmark says no I don’t melt down like a fucking WIMP

I took the same Oath and took it seriously

I don’t watch or listen to advertising

I have an acute aversion to scumbags

I don’t cotton to rapists

I know who the president of Turkey really is

I know the difference between Sioux City and Sioux Falls and even Sioux Center

I know that sounds DO NOT cause cancer.